Before starting up this blog, I was keeping a private online journal. This journal was helping me cope with my anxiety and life challenges.
Here’s a little something that I wrote a few days before my 18th birthday. From what I remember, I was going through a hard time living in university housing. Friendships weren’t working out, I had just gotten my heart broken, I was homesick and lost. It was my first birthday away from home and from my family. I was fighting with my thoughts but I ended up reassuring myself that I was worth something and I couldn’t keep forgetting it.
“I’m not perfect and It’s hard to cover the tracks I make sometimes. They are just so permanent and if they may seem temporary they can just become permanent so fast. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, or ever. I’m not lost anymore so I hate feeling like I am. It’s taken me years to feel found. I deserve more for myself as a person, as a woman, and as a strong human being. I’ve settled down and thought to myself. I’ve captured the moments around me and the environment surrounding me. I think and think. I tell myself: You’ve gotten here because of your hard work, you’ve spread your wings for good reasons because of it. You’ve gotten here to make memories and to cherish them as you go. Take all of these memories and keep on dreaming with them. Use them to your advantage and become a better version of yourself; that is the best thing to do. As the days go by, just tell yourself that you are worth so much and that you are a catch. Listen to the compliments from others when you get them, remember them because they are their impressions of you, their good ones. You are unstoppable. You are a force of nature who can burst at any moment with clarity and power.“
Reading this journal entry brings back so many memories. I was a very naive and hopeful 17 year old. There are certain elements of my personality then that I still have now. I’m nearly 20 and I can proudly say that I love myself so much. It’s good to know that 17 year old me never failed to make me realize what I am truly worth.